Saturday, May 28, 2011

Things I Say at Work...

I've already explained my job is odd. I've decided to start a series called "Things I Say at Work" to give you an idea of why I say that. Here's Part One, including some stuff about Pauly Shore and dodgeball.

First of all, an explanation for the delay since my last post:

It's officially summer for me. The students have moved out. That means my days consist mostly of random tasks, catching up with co-workers, and movie nights with friends. Thank you, sweet summer.

I have lots of stories since I last posted-- a hilarious hair experience, surviving a tornado, getting buried in keys... Priceless. Until I have the time to illustrate those anecdotes, here are some fun things I've said at work!

To start, a story we're all familiar with. 
 I sincerely hope you also get the opportunity to order babies online and not worry about legal implications.

Working in student activities, I get to say "Guess who I met?!" a lot. Turns out a lot of people want to perform at my school. (Translation: a lot of people want to make money).
 Here's my favorite:
My mom was an avid "Young and the Restless" fan growing up. For any of you who had moms who watched "stories," you realize that I naturally was a huge fan as well. I've been watching Nikki and Victor since I could crawl, and though Brad Carlton was killed off the show, I've been harboring a crush on him for the last 20+ years. Meeting him is definitely in my top ten favorite experiences so far, especially because he let me pose in funny photos with him AND he signed an autograph for my mom. She nearly cried when I gave it to her.

The general consensus was that I was the only person in a 50 mile-radius who cared he was there. Regardless, I was pumped to be able to say I met Don Diamont. Meow.
 Working at a university means that I have a lot of policies to be familiar with. Most are pretty standard across the board-- no pets on campus, no vandalism, thou shalt not kill, yadda yadda yadda. Sometimes, though, I learn that I should read the handbook a little closer... My lesson? Dodgeball. Oh, yes. Dodgeball is against policy. Who the hell almost loses their job because of dodgeball?! This gal.

 This is pretty much a direct quote. When I first started my job, some events were already planned and I just sort of had to ensure they happened. One of those events? The Pink Floyd Laser Experience. Oh, I'm not kidding. Who thought that could happen without a bunch of booze and pot? 

These guys literally pulled up in a rusted-out, pale blue conversion van with a tarp and some laser doohickey. Dirty, dreads, middle-aged-- basically exactly the kind of people you would imagine to put on "The Wall" in laser form. 

I had lots of interesting conversations that night, but I'll never forget that the vendor asked if he could go out back and have a joint. Then got mad when I said "no." Really? I don't want to lose my job for that. Also, I had no Cheetos or Funyuns to offer him anyway.
My last direct quote begins with "fuh" and ends with "uck." 

On the job, I swore in front of half of the university's international students and my entire residence life staff. Oh, yeah. Not just out loud, but REALLY loudly. Whoops.

We were playing an innocent game, passing water balloons back and forth, when I hear someone say, "LEEANNE!" 

Now, I don't know about you, but when someone says my name, I look. BIG MISTAKE. I looked just in time to get nailed in the FACE with a water balloon at high speeds. Turns out it was intended for someone standing about 20 ft behind me. Translation? Lots of momentum. Rather than bursting instantly, it hit my face like a rock, wrapped around, then burst. In that moment, I forgot where I was and dropped the f-bomb for everyone to hear.

To justify my response, I asked yahoo to explain the science (and/or magic) of it all:

"Ouch" wasn't really a four-letter word that summed up how I felt. :)

Thanks for enjoying this filler... More fun to come!