Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Holiday Greetings for 2014

Holiday Greetings for 2014


This being the first night of Hanukkah (Chanukah? Chanukkah?) and my lack of posts for such a long time, I decided it was time for holiday greetings!!! For those of you who, like me: (1) have yet to mail a single card; (2) feel a little weird about being grown-up and sending cards; and (3) don't like the generic cards available in my price range, you're in luck! I've made a few designs of my own! They're great for me because they're free and funny and I didn't actually print them so I don't have to worry about sending them anywhere. (Somewhere I know my plan is flawed, but here we are anyway.)

1. Real Talk

Y'all, I know you think I'm too old to be broke but you're wrong. It's time for real talk. Send checks. Cash. Money orders. 

I mean, that's selfish and makes me feel guilty because Christmas and all. So send those things to a charity of your choice. Personally, I totally dig St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. And so do Jennifer Aniston and Jon Hamm, so it's gotta be good.

2. The Obligatory "Elf" Card

For those holiday movie purists out there, boo hiss, go watch "It's a Wonderful Life". (Another movie that I love, btw.) Elf is chock full of one-liners and quotes that spread Christmas cheer almost as well as singing loud for all to hear. (See what I did there?)

For legal reasons, I should point out I own nothing that has to do with "Elf" and I'm making no money off of this card so there.

3. Puppy Love

Aw, but adorable little farts they are.

For legal reasons, I should probably point out that I DO own this little Boston, so respect it. Creative commons copyright and all that-- share but refer back! Or may the copyright gods come down on you swiftly and with lots of stinky farts.

4. Stay Golden

What better gift is there than friendship? Nothing.

Enjoy the intro and get ALL the warm fuzzies. You know you want to sing along.
(*I also don't own the Golden Girls, but they do own my heart. Sigh.)

5. The Perfect Card for Other Twenty-Something Single Folks

I know I've limited my audience here. But sometimes to truth is so very real that it's worth it.

Feel free to print these if you feel like paying for that (I can't imagine you would) or using your ink that way (in which case, sorry for the colored backgrounds). I made them as 5x7's so there! If you're awful nice, I'll even send a full res file your way. (Aw, shucks!)

Happy holidays, y'all. I hope you get to spend them with people you love doing things you love and over-indulging in good things. Only good things!

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Official Gameplay Guide: SKITTLES

Skittles is a roadtrip game an obsession that my nephews introduced me to a few years ago on a family vacation. (For legal reasons, I suppose I should clarify that, to my knowledge, Skittles and Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company have absolutely nothing to do with this game and even less to do with my blog. Also, the website is probably the trippiest thing I've ever seen come from a candy corporation, so click there and enjoy that some other time.) This game is highly addictive, so proceed at your own risk.

I should also say that the rules that I'm about to explain to you are strictly my nephews' rules-- they are my judges and parliamentarians. If ever there is a question regarding gameplay, I text my sister to ask the boys for clarification. (We take skittles very seriously.)

At first glance, the game is very simple.

Who can't do that? Well, my colorblind boyfriend has some trouble with lime green cars, so I guess SOME people can't do that, but you get my point: this game is easy for most people to pick up. (*Don't worry about his colorblindness affecting his score-- my extremely short attention span is my handicap. He kicks my butt. Maybe also because he can pretend he thinks everything is yellow and I know nothing about colorblindness.)

Why is it fun? Well, you don't see many yellow cars on the road-- or at least not as many as you see other cars. Thus the search begins.

There are, however, restrictions:

These rules are mostly to keep people from monopolizing the game-- or from shouting too much. (Really, once you start looking, you'll want to shout "SKITTLES!" at every yellow thing you see. You'll start cursing Waffle House signs and parking dividers and every other unnecessarily yellow thing in society.)

Other clarifying notes from my nephews:

  • Hovercraft, boats, lawnmowers, and motorcycles all are considered skittles.
  • One may choose whether or not Penske moving trucks count at the beginning of a new game.
  • Cars on cinder blocks that have no engine in them do NOT count.
  • Cars that are parked DO count.
  • Yellow-orange is NOT yellow.
  • It is often necessary to denote which skittle one is calling. For example, "SKITTLES! MOTORCYCLE!" This eliminates confusion if more than one skittle is present.
There is a lot of debate in the family as to when the game ends. When someone gets out of the car? The next day? Whenever someone says so? My nephews, being the empowering type, let me know that I can decide for myself whenever I play the game.

So I did.

On the way to the beach one day, my friends and I were in the middle of an intense round of skittles. Being huge Harry Potter nerds, we decided the game should end in a Quidditch-like fashion.

That's right. The Holy Grail of skittles-- a person eating Skittles in a yellow car.

I immediately called my nephews and received their unanimous approval. (To be thorough, that's four (4) yea's and zero (0) nay's.) We had taken skittles to the next level. And now I proudly present it to you.

If you come up with questions while you're playing, let me know. I'll text the boys and have an answer for you soon.

Happy skittle hunting!!!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Product Improvement: Coffee Mugs

I got some fun (and only somewhat judgmental) feedback from y'all after my last post, I figured I'd follow up with a double whammy of a blog post that covers both Pinterest AND coffee-- two of my favorite things. 

Color change coffee mugs? Now that's just like MAGIC. (My #3 favorite thing!) I love when people send me pins of such things, but they're just so CUTE. And I hate it. My need for coffee isn't CUTE. It isn't adorable. It is REAL, INTENSE, and SOMEWHAT DISTURBING. Get it right.

I mean, really. You're not doing it right. Make me a mug that goes from full-out Walking Dead, three-months in the Atlanta heat zombie to rainbow-farting, I-don't-sweat-I-sparkle Care Bear sweetness and I'm in. All I'm looking for is a coffee mug I can relate to. Is that too much to ask?

Make it for me, pinners. Make it happen.

I do own this mug, which I love and I feel as though comes pretty close-- so thanks for this, internet:
Magical Tired Eyes Wake Up Color Changing Hot Sensitive Porcelain Mug Cup

It took me FOREVER (aka all of 5 minutes... which is like 5 internet years) to find the original source for the mug from Pinterest, so click away and buy it if you're willing to settle for less. And pinners, shame on you for linking to photos and not to original links. You're ruining the point of Pinterest! If I just wanted to look at a bunch of photos, I'd get on Facebook!!