Friday, October 25, 2013

That Boston Terrier Life

Life with a Boston Terrier

Let's be clear, I don't necessarily LIVE with a Boston Terrier. But I definitely live with them. SO MANY of them. When I moved to New Orleans, I literally thought that Bostons were a fad around here. I'M SURROUNDED. AND I LOVE IT.

But I don't love it as much as my friend Christy.

She's the reason pretty much everyone I know has a Boston. She fosters dogs for Alabama Boston Terrier Rescue and, let's be honest, Bostons are so friggin' adorable that anybody who spends time with one and finds out he/she is adoptable is going to end up with a new pet. IT'S INEVITABLE.

I can't have dogs, otherwise I would have a Boston. I'm sure of it. So instead of owning one, I doodle them. For your pleasure and my own. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what I've learned from living with (around?) Boston Terriers.

I've learned that Bostons are the classiest dogs at any party. Add a bowtie? INSTANT TUX.

Adorable. (And maybe I did. Stop judging me, adorable little dog.)

It's true. Though, honestly, if any man greeted me with the fervor and enthusiasm of a dog, I'd probably run away screaming. And if he humped my leg like my friend Dale's Boston, Ralphie, does, I'd have to call the cops.

Let's be frank. This is the #1 lesson learned by anyone who's ever spent any time around Bostons. Got a problem with that? Shame on you. But read about solutions here:

Otherwise, go hug a Boston today. You'll feel better for it. (Just bring nose plugs.)

Friday, October 18, 2013

Riding Down Relationship River

So I have this metaphor about relationships that I'm pretty proud of (translation: that I talk about ALL the time). My friends and co-workers are probably pretty tired of hearing about it, so now I'm sharing it with everyone else-- and with them again, but this time with ILLUSTRATIONS! 

Relationship River is more of a journey than a destination. Like any river, it can be fun, relaxing, terrifying, or anything else all at some point as it runs its course. Or so I assume rivers go. I've watched a lot of "Pocahontas" in my day, and I hear that the great thing about rivers is that you can't step in the same river twice-- a river's always changing, always flowing. The point is: you never know what's around the riverbend. (See what I did there? If not, shame on you. Stop reading this blog. You don't deserve to read anymore.)

The point is, people have different methods for going down Relationship River.

Some people actively navigate Relationship River, steering around obstacles and generally having a good time.

Other people whitewater raft down Relationship River, actively seeking out drama and loving life. Good for them.

Even others speed through relationships, zooming through anyone who can't keep up.

Not me. I am none of those people.

If you're unfamiliar with "cabrewing," that's when people canoe or tube down a lazy river with a cooler full of booze in tow. (*Otherwise merely referred by some as "canoeing" or "tubing." To-may-to, to-mah-to, I say.)

I don't make this comparison to say that I have a drinking problem (though I live in New Orleans, so my perspective on healthy drinking habits may be a bit skewed). What I mean is that I am quite possibly the most passive person I know when it comes to relationships. I thoroughly enjoy just floating along, doing my thing and having a good time. If someone comes along, well that's just dandy! But otherwise, I'm good. 

That sounds awesome in theory, but often not in practice.

The biggest problem is that I don't really ever stop being passive. If someone bops into me on Relationship River, I'll tie on with them. Why not? Let's roll down the river together!

If I'm coupled with someone who actively works our way down the river, great. I just float along and see where he takes me! Usually that's to some great places. Eventually, though, he gets tired of doing all the work (Oops, sorry!) and cuts me off to go our separate ways down the river. It's inevitable. I'm over it.

Sometimes, though, I couple up with another cabrew-er.

Usually it's awesome at first. I'm down with relaxing and seeing wherever the river takes us. WHAT COULD GO WRONG?!

Well, rivers are pretty awful places, that's what could go wrong! SO MANY HAZARDS TO NAVIGATE! When two cabrew-ers float along, they get caught up on rocks, flip over in rapids, and end up stranded on the shoreline and shriveling up in the sun.

It makes sense that time getting sunburnt and miserable on shore and outside of Relationship River ultimately kills the relationship. My problem? I'm lazy. And happy in my little ol' inner-tube. And, being with another cabrew-er, my partner usually ends up doing the same thing. So ultimately, we end up being miserable together for a while before we realize it and one of us eventually rolls away. 

I usually end up alone and sad on the shoreline for a few days, but I roll back into the river eventually, though, and get rehydrated and back to my old self. 

Moral of the story: I may stink at relationships, but I sure have a good time floating down Relationship River anyway! I still have hope that I'll find somebody to roll down the river with me before I plummet off of Crazy-Cat-Lady Falls!!!

Happy sailing, y'all!