Saturday, December 17, 2011

Happy Awkward Holidays, Vol. 3

Alright, here it is: I'm single. I'm really good at it, too, which is probably why I'm still single. I'd much rather do things for myself, and apparently partners need to feel "wanted" or something. Whatever. Pshaw. 

The fact of the matter is that I like being single. There are lots of awesome things about it:

  • I have a lot more money (no one to buy tokens for, no need to travel about spending money doing extra things like eating or being entertained).
  • I have a lot more free time (no one to have to check in with when I want a weekend away, no one to hurry home to).
  • I have a lot more folks to use my womanly wiles on (any attractive man, rather than just one man).
There are some pitfalls to being single, too:
  • There's nobody to check that creepy noise in the house except for me.
  • There's nobody there when I want snuggle time. (Roommates tend to frown upon that, even if I do agree to be the big spoon.)
  • During the holidays, people make me feel about an inch tall for being single. I mean, what's wrong with us, single ladies? Are we spinsters? Are we self-centered? Are we grotesque??
No, no, no, no, no. I am pretty awesome, and the fact that no one has "put a ring on it" yet has no bearing on my awesomeness. To keep people from asking me about it, I've prepared special holiday greetings this year. Feel free to adapt it for your own purposes; just comment and I'll send you an unused version.