A Beginner's Guide to NACA

If you're reading this, you probably already know that I work in campus activities. If you don't know what that is, use context clues. Your junior high English teacher should have covered that. And you thought that the things you learned in school wouldn't come in handy!


Anyway, NACA is the National Association of Campus Activities and I just got back from the national convention. I'm not going to take the time to explain it now because I want my illustrations below to show it to you (a picture's worth a thousand words and all that). 


As usual, I want to include a disclaimer: NACA is a valuable organization and I wouldn't spend my university's money on it if I didn't have proof that it was worthwhile. We learn a lot from ed sessions, are affirmed in what we're doing as a programming board, and save a lot of money by block booking. However, like all things, it's also very silly, as you're about to see.


First of all, for those of you who are unfamiliar with NACA, I've come up with a few slogans that might come in handy...

On the note of performers, NACA showcases a number of musical acts. A lot of them are up-and-coming (folks who participated in "The Voice" and "American Idol") and, well, Bowling for Soup, Hanson, Blessid Union of Souls... I've mapped out the musical act selection process; it's actually incredibly scientific. Note that the x-axis represents to progression of bands from up-and-coming to down-and-out; the y-axis represents popularity from garage band to stadium filler.

And last but not least, let's talk CAMP. Such a weird place, I can only hope to begin to describe it for you...

LeeAnne's Bar Skank Guide

Well, I've survived the holidays and apparently I've spent a full two weeks recovering from NYE in New Orleans. It wasn't depressing as my last post promised, but I digress. I'm here to fill y'all in on what I have been up to these last few weeks... Beginning with a guide to bar skanks.

Last weekend we had an awesome comedy magician and an amazing hypnotist on campus, and what better way to celebrate that than to get crunked? Just kidding, but I did go out with friends that came down for the show to the village bar, "The Regal Beagle." At the time I joked that they were lucky they were such "Three's Company" fans, otherwise I wouldn't go in there. But if I hadn't gone, where would my blog inspiration be? And what would you, dear reader, be doing right now?!

It all started with my friend Evie, who sort of prides herself in her people watching skills.

I want to clarify here that she is announcing "Skanks, ho!" as in "Skanks ahead!" or "Skanks ahoy!" (hence the pirate hat) and not as in "Skanks and hoes!" That's just redundant, and Evie wouldn't waste her time with such silly announcements.

Anyway, what better place to spot bar skanks than in a college bar? To save yourself some time next time you're out, we've put together a skank spotting guide for your general safety and convenience.

You are bound to encounter any variety of bar skanks in the wild, so I've taken the liberty of illustrating four for you. 

I want to take a moment to say I didn't draw these panels to say that I'm a skank, even though I'm the example in each one. After my friend Jackie pointed out that I always make her my alcoholic friend in my posts, I realized I didn't want anybody else complaining that I always make them my skank friend. So there. Judge away, if you must!


If you disagree or have other bar skanks in mind, forget you, start your own blog. If you think these four are a little too specific and you don't know what to do with yourself, don't fret! If all else fails, study and remember the following bar skank behaviors and you'll be an advanced skank spotter in no time!

(As I finished the example skanks in that panel, I thought to myself, "Do I have a thing against blonde people?" but we'll save the self-discovery for some other time.)


In case you're wondering what a skank fight looks like, I imagine it looks something like this: 

Yeah, I just doodled crudely over the glitter explosion drawing I did for my Christmas crafting post. Have you seen what skanks wear? I don't think this is too far off the mark. Glitter, sequins, it's all the same.


In case you're wondering what a man fight looks like, fortunately for you we experienced one last weekend so I can share the whole thing in great detail:

Our reactions as I've described them are pretty accurate and say a lot about our character. Well, except Duke's reaction-- I don't really know what he was thinking, but he was working really hard on keeping his southern drawl all night so I hope against hope that he was thinking something like that. Or "those fellas are scrappier than a couple o' rabid possum" or "looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket." Well, that last one was from Steel Magnolias, but I think you get it.


Unfortunately, none of our reactions were at all effective. The fight was not broken up, the drinks were not saved, and although the table was initially flipped away from us, it eventually flipped back toward us, resulting in this:

(Technically I was covered in beer, but I didn't want to draw that because, well, let's think about what that would look like.)


Had we been bar skanks, we probably would have managed to get away from the man fight unscathed.


And just so Jackie doesn't feel left out of a blog post where I talk about booze:

Happy skank spotting!

Vampires Don't Make Sense.

Vampires don't make sense. 

Take my hand as I explore the reasons why I don't understand how vampires function (with the help of some of my friends.)

First of all, a disclaimer:

I'm just saying: Have you ever watched True Blood? I don't know when I've ever seen so many beautiful people on screen. And so many six packs. Helloooooooooooooo bare male torsos. 


I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a big vampire fan, though. I never watched "Buffy" or "Angel" or anything like that, but I did read a lot as a kid. And I read a lot of vampire stories. Sure, I started out reading Nancy Drew, but then I jumped right to R.L. Stine's Fear Street books (the "scarier" version of Goosebumps) and was absolutely obsessed with Christopher Pike's The Last Vampire series. 

Oh, Sita. You were the original dark and twisty character that I fell in love with. And the first vampire that piqued my interest-- which brings us to a few questions that I have:

*My friend Jonny pointed out to me that being disgusting doesn't necessarily keep zombies from being a sex machines, as demonstrated in this disturbing clip from "Dead Alive": http://www.youtube.com/wat​ch?v=2T8PWUgrVeA. Seriously, watching that made me want to puke. 

And then there's the question of vampire deaths. Vamps are some tough mamma jammas. 

So how am I supposed to believe that pesky little things can kill them off? Vampire lore is expansive and inconsistent, and there are about a million weird ways that vampires are said to be destroyed. They vary from convincing (decapitation!) to ridiculous (running water?). I found this fantastic chart comparing the top 50 vampires that covers vamp destruction in addition to other things (e.g., fangs, powers, reflections, etc): http://io9.com/5391215/top-50-vampires-the-ultimate-score-sheet.

And last but not least, the most adult of all things vampire that don't make sense:

VAMPIRE SEX.

Clearly, I watch "True Blood" so I'm not complaining or asking too many questions, but if vampires are supposed to be so damned sexy the topic needs to be explored.

Wikipedia has an extensive explanation of sexual reproduction-- feel free to visit it if you haven't had "the talk" just yet. What I'm interested in is how sex works:

So, if sperm needs to be a certain temperature, then it certainly wouldn't survive vampirism. Fine, I'll give you that. No vampire babies. That doesn't necessarily mean no vampire sex.

Beyond that, to get scientific some more, penises need blood to be erect and actually perform the act of intercourse. If vampires are dead, how does that happen? In True Blood they explain that vampires "are the blood" or however they put it, so I suppose even that makes sense. But that leads to another problem:

Gross. 

Even if you can get past the necrophilia (I mean, they look alive, right?), there are other issues to deal with. Vampires are full of blood. Vampires can't make sperm. Ergo, when a vampire climaxes...

That makes that scene from "There's Something About Mary" even more troubling.

So many questions, but I'm sorry to say I offer only one answer:

Like I've said before, when I can't find a logical explanation for something, I know for true it must be magic.

Puts a whole new twist on True Blood's season 4 plot, huh?